All’s Wells That Ends Wells

Vernon Wells: Nice guy, debatable outfielder. (USA Today Sports Images)

Vernon Wells: Nice guy, debatable outfielder. (USA Today Sports Images)

To be honest, the Vernon Wells-to-the-Yankees trade is more important as a joke than it will likely be in baseball terms. Due not to any personal fault of his own (he seems like a nice enough guy) but to his ludicrous contract, Wells has been a punchline for several years now. His production fell off a cliff in 2011, when he was 32 and making $26 million, and now he’s a scary story GMs tell their Assistant GMs around the campfire in the woods to frighten them. He’s also, as of today, officially a New York Yankee, traded for two minor-league non-prospects with the excellent names of Exircado Cayones and Kramer Sneed.

As regular Sports on Earth contributor Joe DeLessio points out, however, this deal is not actually such a big deal in its baseball impact. Over the course of the next two seasons the Yankees will be on the hook for $13.9 million of Wells’ $21 million a year salary, but the complex structure of the financials is such that, as Ken Rosenthal explains, none of that will count against their luxury tax threshold in 2014 — the now-infamous $189 million budget. In other words, it’s an overpay, but not one that will impede other, potentially more sensible moves. (The fact that they also just signed Lyle Overbay indicates that their farm system needs serious improvement, but that’s a minor-league deal that also won’t interfere with signing players who are, well, better than Lyle Overbay).

Trading for Vernon Wells is definitely not something you want to make a habit of, but injuries (to Curtis Granderson, Mark Teixeira, Derek Jeter and of course Alex Rodriguez) have rendered the Yankees’ opening day lineup downright alarming, to the point where Wells could very well be a useful piece for them. It should never have gotten to that point, but it did, and under the circumstances this trade is, while not one I would have made, not so insane as it looks on its face.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be joking about how ludicrous it is that the Yankees just traded for Vernon Wells, though. Not at all. Life is hard and joking about trading for Vernon Wells is one of those little things that helps us get through the nights. Though when it comes to jokes about New York City outfields, the Mets and their fans have an insurmountable lead already.

A few days ago, I saw this and instantly realized it was the best available dog-video representation I could find of the Mets’ 2013 outfield:

So when the Vernon Wells news came through, I immediately looked for an equivalent video representing Wells’ outfield play. Here’s Pepper:

We are currently taking suggestions for “dog gif that most embodies Lyle Overbay.”

12 thoughts on “All’s Wells That Ends Wells

  1. I don’t know what’s more amazing — that the Yankees traded for Vernon Wells, or that Emma Span actually got paid to write this drivel.

    • Aren’t anonymous critics like you a bag of sunshine???

      If you don’t like it, go somewhere else. Geez.

      • Um, you, too, are an “anonymous critic” as well, buddy. And Emma Span is a bad writer, and a worse baseball analyst. She needs to be called on her nonsense.

  2. Huh? Wells has won 3 gold gloves, at least get a dog video where one catches the ball. This is an amazing deal for the Yankees. The get a great right-handed bat (Wells is .291 career against lefties), and he doesn’t count a dime against the cap next year. He’s OK DHing, still hits for power, and can play all 3 outfield positions. He’s only 2 years older than Swisher, had the same HR per AB ratio as Swisher last year, and costs half as much. Whats not to like?

    • The Gold Gloves are utterly insignificant, especially when you just said he’s OK DHing. Then again, given that the H in DH stands for “Hitter,” I’m not sure about that either. .218 (!) and .230 over the past two seasons with a combined 36 homers and an OPS less the 700. He. Is. Terrible. Between this and McCarver’s retirement, Angel fans are dancing in the streets.

    • Wells hit .227 vs. lefties last year, which was actually worse than he did against righties. His OPS against lefties…. .671. Still liking this deal?

  3. Wait, dis some one just try to justify Vernon Wells as an actual honest to goodness good baseball player? Another brick in the he’s awful wall; Second lowest OBP among qualifiers last year. As a backup catcher with defensive skills maybe but as a corner OF/DH. Uh-oh