Say Baseball!

We hypothesize what MLB players were thinking at the exact moment their headshots were snapped. (USA TODAY Sports Images)

We hypothesize what MLB players were thinking at the exact moment their headshots were snapped. (USA TODAY Sports Images)

Picture day is a thing baseball players go through at the start of every season. They have their photograph taken over and over and over, but on this most special day, they have their photograph taken over and over and over and over. It’s tedious, probably even more so than reading that last sentence. Standing on a tile floor in spikes and full uniform amidst the urinals while bright lights repeatedly flash in your eyes is likely not anyone’s idea of fun. But hey, they’re big leaguers, and it all comes with the territory.

Once the not-fun is over, the best pictures are picked and used at the top of player pages on internet websites, on scoreboards, in team programs, and so on.

But have you ever wondered what the players are thinking at the exact moment that perfect photo was snapped? Well we here at Sports on Earth were curious too, so, through the multi-million dollar miracle of Telepathic Detection Technology, we’ve decoded the exact thoughts that were traveling through their neurons. Or we’re just making all this up. 

So, without further ado, here’s what these players were thinking when their pictures were taken. 

Brian Wilson


“My intensity proves that it’s my skin and not my beard that is fake.”

Chase Utley


“Can’t… turn… off… unassuming… boyish… handsomness…”

Oliver Perez


“Are those headlights? That looks like a truck! They’re getting brighter, brighter! Oh no, TRUCK AHHH [flash] oh.”

A.J. Burnett


“About time for full face beard.”

Aaron Harang


“I’m totally selling this guy a TV.”

Brian Dozier


“That time that Will Ferrell did that thing… with no pants… oh, man!”

Bartolo Colon


“My lunch was delicious. These pictures are going to be delicious. That camera looks delicious.”

Ervin Santana


“This is my SO HAPPY face.”

Matt Wieters


“I’m smiling… I’m smiling… I hope I’m smiling… TRY HARDER MATT WIETERS!”

Kyle Lohse


“From New York, it’s Saturday Night Live! With Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, Kyle Lohse…huh huh… totally cool”

Jonathan Villar


“So glad to get my braces off I’m going to put an entire packet of Big League Chew in my mouth as soon as I get out of here!”

Johnny Cueto

Johnny Cueto

“Wig hat was totally genius.”

Alexei Ramirez


“This Mr. Rogers try-out is going swimmingly.”

Wei-Yin Chen


“Seems odd you’d take your clothes off to take my picture, but hey, I guess you’re the pro.”

3 thoughts on “Say Baseball!

  1. Matt Harvey:
    “Just try and take my picture! I dare you, i dare you!”
    “I look god, don’t i?”